The Beauty in Ugly

My re-write is DONE (for now). I figure I've probably written over 200,000 words to get a polished 90,000 word, 370 page manuscript, but that's just how the process works. At least for me. Maybe it's different for others, but I don't think so. The first ugly draft has to exist before it can be beautiful.

So for those of you who read and critiqued my ugly early drafts, thanks. I wouldn't have learned as quickly without your feedback. I'm not one that re-reads books very often. If a book grabs me, I'll read it again a few years later. But in writing The Devil's Key, I've re-read the story so often that I can scroll right to the page where certain events happen without having to search. That's a LOT of re-reading and there were days when I was so sick of it.

I'm not now, though. Now, I'm excited. It's becoming beautiful. The choppy parts are smoothed, the extra dialog tags are gone, the characters are deeper, and the plot is tighter. I even have moments when I forget that my characters aren't real people. Jeff thinks I'm half crazy sometimes. But of course, I am. I have six kids, I'm general contracting a house, and I'm trying to break into the publishing world, each of which requires a certain level of insanity to try in the first place. So I must be three times crazier than everybody else. But seriously, I love the creative process that goes into writing and if I had my wish, I'd write six hours a day, publish a book a year, and putter around in my garden whenever I wasn't operating the mom taxi.

Now on to find an agent...

Third re-write, fifth revision

It's amazing how many people are writing books - like one person in ten. Seriously. It seems like every other day I meet someone new who is in some stage of writing one. So naturally, I ask questions. It turns out that some folks only have a story idea and haven't actually started writing (an obvious flaw in logic there, but whatever). Others have made it past that hurdle and are part way through. A few actually make it to a first revision. It seems most quit at or before this stage, which is a good thing or agents would drown in a flood of query letters and wouldn't accept any at all.

But now I'm on my third re-write and fifth revision. Am I there yet? Will this revision be THE ONE? No idea. Honestly. I hope so and I know I need to send out another round of queries to put some action behind that hope, but I'd rather skip it. I hate the query process. I wonder if agents can tell a first-draft newbie from a writer who's slogged through several re-writes. I hope so. Are they willing to invest a little time to help a writer grow, or do they have so many prospects that they only accept perfect work? 'Cause if that's the case, I'm doomed. I don't think there's any such thing as a perfect draft. So why am I trying so hard to produce one? Oh yeah...I don't have an agent yet. So my goal for this next month is to finish revising the last one hundred pages of my story and send it off to Elizabeth while I research more agents to send it to.

Silence

I'm still slogging through this revision of Devil's Key. I want the draft I send back to Elizabeth to be as good as I can make it because if she doesn't like it, that's it. I won't have another chance to have her be my agent. I have yet to hear back from Samantha McFerrin about Princess Pots, nor have I heard from Adams Literary about Devil's Key. Those are the only two queries I have out right now and I've heard nothing but silence. I'm hoping it's a golden silence and not a deathly silence, but time will tell. I have learned that immediate responses are almost always rejections. Not that I'm counting days or anything (38 and 22, respectively), but I do hope to hear back before New Year's. Adams Literary's exclusive runs out the second week in December. But I have enough to keep me busy until then. My goal is to finish this revision of DK in the next three weeks and get it to Elizabeth before Christmas. Clock's ticking.

Janette Rallison

I met Janette Rallison last week. She's so cool. She was invited to speak at my children's Jr. High and High Schools, but she also spoke to the young women at church. I introduced myself and started asking about writing and the publishing industry in general. Then I invited her out to lunch. Being a kind, helpful person, she offered to review my first three chapters. Hooray! I handed them over two days later. Embarrassingly enough, I'd never read any of her books. So I stole Lindsey's copy of It's A Mall World After All and read it straight through. It was very cute (and clean), which are elusive qualities in today's young adult literature. If you are looking for a fun YA read, I definitely recommend her books.

Anyhow, Janette met with my writers group on Thursday evening, returned my marked up chapters, and offered valuable feedback. THANK YOU JANETTE! I internalized more about fiction writing from her in four hours than I did at an all day conference. So I'm back to the editing chopping block. However, now I am focused with specific things to fix. I only hope that once the surgery is over, my story will have new life.

Revisions, revisions

A year ago, if someone had told me that in order to write a book, I'd have to re-write it three times with several rounds of revisions in between, I might have quit before even beginning. It's truly a labor of love because even if I find an agent who sells my story, I'm not likely to earn more than 1 cent for every word I wrote. That's some seriously low wages. Once I'm done with this round of revisions on Devil's Key though, I won't do any more until an agent or publisher requests them. I'm finally at a place where I'm comfortable with what I've written and can honestly say that I've enjoyed the process. Hopefully, the lessons I've learned this time around will reduce the number of re-writes with the next story. Maybe. But as Shannon Hale wrote on her blog, the first draft has to exist before it can be changed into the draft that you keep.

Sci Fi Romance

As I was discussing books with an acquaintance, she offered the opinion that 'most women like romance novels and don't read science fiction.' WHAT??? How could she think that? I seriously had no idea. I grew up reading tons of sci-fi. As an adult, I'm a literary omnivore, but still love science fiction. Kevin J. Anderson's Saga of the Seven Suns is my current favorite sci-fi series. So here's my question, what do you read?

Inspiration

A belated congratulations to Joelle Anthony, whose book Restoring Harmony, will be gracing bookstore shelves sometime in the near future. Way to go! And truly, hearing a success story is inspiring. It means that maybe all these frustrations and rejections are just part of the normal learning curve. It means that persistence pays off. It means that I still have hope that one of my stories will be published some day. Maybe.

Doubt and uncertainty offset hope and confidence in my roller coaster moods about my writing. I get SO excited about a project, only to be dashed to pieces by an editor or agent. But each time I crash, I learn, so I guess it's worth it. Thank goodness for friends and sisters who put this Humpty Dumpty together again, every time. You ladies rock!

The funny thing is, I woke up this morning with a story bug and couldn't settle to the grant I'm writing right now until I jotted my thoughts down. Sure, on a day I have NO time to write for myself, I can't get going until I do (the grant deadline is in less than a week). No complaints though, it's a cute little story. I was okay after the writers conference and e-mails from Elizabeth. But as the days have slipped past without any blocks of time to write for myself, and really, no idea how to improve the efficiency and quality of my writing efforts in the few stolen moments I snatch now and then, I've become increasingly frustrated. So now that I've had my little release, back to the dreaded grant. I want Jeff to get tenure soon so I won't have to do so much academic writing. It's not nearly as fun and adds so much stress to my life.

Writer's Conference

I just returned from my first writing conference. I loved it, but was entirely overdressed. Next time I'm wearing jeans. My meeting with the editor from Harcourt didn't go as well as I could've hoped, but it was okay. She said my writing was good, but that my title and prologue didn't go with my first ten pages, which also seemed a little choppy to her. She suggested taking out most of the beginning to get to the main plot of the story quicker and read my revisions aloud to myself to make sure they are smooth (okay, will do). I got the sense that my story wasn't exactly the type she gets excited about, but she was very nice as was everyone else I met there.

When I returned home, I checked my e-mail and, wouldn't you know it, the agent from Levine & Greenberg had replied about my manuscript while I was gone. Her rejection was the kind that tells me that I almost have a publishable story. She actually read the whole thing (all 400+ pages), and gave me specific suggestions for areas that she thought could be improved. YAY! She also said my writing was 'quite good' and the story was exciting. So I am pleased.

The Beekeeper's Apprentice

The only things I've written in the past month are two poems and a building permit application. Yeah, I know, pathetic. I suppose thinking and plotting don't count as writing time, but hopefully, whenever I move past the insanely busy schedule I've been pushing lately, I'll have a very clear idea of where I'm heading as I write. I did read The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie R. King for the second time. I read it four years ago and chose it for our book club's September title. It was an enjoyable read this time around too. Intelligent, brilliantly conceived, and smoothly delivered, I recommend it to anyone who likes mysteries of the non-frightening variety and is interested in a Sherlock Holmes remix better than Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's original.

Voices in my Head

I read an interesting post on Shannon Hale's website this past week regarding the process of developing a story. She said that writers tend to either outline the plot and then develop their characters or a fully formed character tells their story during the writing process. So that got me thinking about how it works for me and I realized that the answer isn't so clear-cut. It depends on the story and the character. I came to love two of my characters from The Devil's Key so much, that I wanted to change the plot to suit them, and I did somewhat. However, in the sequel, I can't or it ruins the story line. So the plot where everything does not turn out happy in the end is definitely driving that one. We'll see if I ever get to write it.

Right now I'm developing the world that my characters live on for a new story I've started but can't seem to write about any more until I know what it's like there. I know the basic plot elements already and have a clear sense of the protagonist and what motivates and frightens him. But the other characters? The setting? They've been mere shadows on the fringe of my sub-conscious. But as I hear and see them more clearly in my head, I understand how everything fits together. I've even imagined an entire backstory, which I like better than anything else I've come up with so far.

I can't wait to write that one because Kali keeps whispering to me and it's very character-driven but still has a fantastic plot (at least, I think so). I know that hearing voices is generally NOT considered psychologically healthy. But maybe every writer has voices in their head. Jodie Foster in Nim's Island was hilarious and I totally related. I write what I dream, what I wish, and what terrifies me. To one degree or another, parts of myself are woven into whatever I write. I think that's why rejection can be so hard. Because if a writer can't separate out themselves from their writing, criticism feels terribly personal. Maybe bestselling authors don't have this problem, only emerging writers like me. So here's to the voices in my head. I hope they tell me a fantastic story that no reader, agent, or publisher can refuse.

My First Writing Conference

I am heading to my first writing conference next month and I'm so excited. And nervous. I've posted some of my writing online and been ripped apart over the relative anonymity of the Internet. Dealing with nastiness in private wasn't too hard. But memories of my one awful experience getting ripped in person is giving me the jitters. I HATE crying in public, and as I listened to the first person outside my circle of family and friends to read The Devil's Key (actually, she didn't read it, she told me she skimmed it because it didn't seem worth her time to read) tell me that I didn't know how to write, my characters were flat, and I should just concentrate on writing magazine articles, I bawled. So now I've voluntarily signed up for a personal critique session at this conference and I'm terrified of a reprise. But I know I need it, so I'll bring lots of tissues just in case. I'm hoping I'll learn a lot, make some new friends, and gain valuable feedback that I can work with as I revise and continue writing. My friend Kim is attending too, so it should be a lot of fun, even if I do have to take time out for a crying jag.

Full Mansucript Request

I planned to write so much this summer, but with the crazy schedule we've had over the past few months and all the kids home for summer break, it hasn't happened. I hadn't even finished the revisions I thought of during our move. So imagine my surprise when I returned from Nicole's wedding to find a message from an agent I queried back in May. Is the project still available? she asked. YES! I wanted to shout. Then she requested the full manuscript. After my little happy dance, I 'finished' (it's a relative term, remember?) my revisions at top speed and sent the manuscript to her. However, this time around, I'm not expecting anything. I love my story so well that I expected the first agent who read it to love it too. When she didn't, I was crushed. I don't know if I'm calloused now, or just professionally detached, because I'm not at all anxious or impatient. I know, pretty weird for me. If this new agent passes on it, I'll thank her and move on. I am pleased though. To me, it means my query letter worked. That's it. With a good query letter, I know I can move forward and keep querying until I find the right agent for this story. In the mean time, I have building permit documents to write, a manuscript to review, and a middle grade sci-fi/fantasy that is demanding attention. So between those things and getting four kids ready for school, I think I'll be pretty busy.

Becoming

I realized that I never mentioned what happened with the full manuscript that I sent Elana. Well, she passed on it. She was very nice, saying that she enjoyed reading it, but ultimately, didn't feel it was a right fit for her representation list. Sigh. At least she didn't simply say it stunk. Oh...wait...maybe that's what she really meant. But I don't think so. Most of the people I've 'met' either online or in person in the writing world are very, very, cool. With one glaring exception, everyone has been professional and supportive, yet honest. And with each new experience I'm learning how to look at my own work more objectively. Now I spot things that I don't think I could've seen before. So despite (or maybe because of) all the discouragement and frustration, I am becoming a better writer. Ah the process of becoming - so painful at times. So humbling. I just wish my learning curve from wherever I'm at to wherever I need to be was a bit shorter. But two days after getting that rejection, a different agent requested the first hundred pages, so that helped a bit. I just wish those pages were stronger. So that's what I'm working on now. Well, not right now, but in the near future.

I had to stop everything to read Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn yesterday. Yep, I was a total bookworm. Jeff was very patient while I devoured all 700+ pages in twelve hours (I wish I could write as fast as I read). Needless to say, I loved it. She did a really good job twisting the story line around in unexpected ways and then ironing it all out for a very satisfying, if a little too neat, ending. I'd discuss my favorite parts, but I don't want to spoil the experience for anyone else. So go find a copy!

Writing with Kids

After a two month absence from this blog, it would appear that I've abandoned it. Not so. What happened you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. School ended and I moved, so life has been slightly chaotic. Having the four older children home during the summer didn't just create four times more noise and work, more like 256 times. That's in addition to the two toddlers. So, to harness the synergy from so many bodies constantly in motion, we've done a lot of activities. However, I've come to realize that I can't write when I never get quiet time. I've tried a few times and I'll get a paragraph written and then MOMMMM! He hit me. Or, he took my toy. Or, I'm hungry. Or, I need toilet paper. You get the idea. This happens nonstop. I cannot wait for school to start. Then perhaps I'll get my writing momentum back.

In the midst of my frustration, I tried to find tips on how to write with kids. There were hardly any. This leads me to believe that I'm one of the few crazy enough to try to write with kids underfoot and that other writers either don't have any, their kids are grown, or they cart their kids to the babysitters. Ah well, I only have three more years to cuddle with my baby before he starts kindergarten. In the mean time, my lofty goal is to write for one hour each day. Pathetic, I know, but anything more would be out of reach right now. Just to illustrate, eleven interruptions and one toddler spat accompanied this post.

Manuscript Request

An agent requested my manuscript! YAY! I'm so excited, and nervous. I hope she likes my story. And despite the lack of success so far, I cling to the hope that eventually, I'll find an agent who likes my story as much as I do. I just hope it's her. I think I'd really enjoy working with her. But the reality is that most manuscript requests do not result in offers for representation. It's all part of this arduous process of getting published in today's market. Someone told me that landing an agent was like winning the lottery, but I disagree. I think it's like organic chemistry. Dynamic chemistry is necessary in both the writing and the agent/client relationship, but getting there is grueling because it's the weeder process.
I dropped organic chemistry in college when I freaked out after earning a D on the first exam. Two days later, I learned the high grade was a C, but I was still in freak mode and dropped it anyhow. My friend, who earned the C, later told me that half the class dropped after that first test and the professor curved everything at the end, so she earned an A for the semester. Needless to say, I kicked myself really hard after that and promised not to quit something I started or believed in just because it was difficult at first. Since then, the type of hope that lodges in my heart has proved to be a stubborn thing. So I hope Elana loves The Devil's Key (and the Green Bean War, and Night Flier, Day Dreamer, and Windwatchers), but if not, I'll find someone who does. Eventually.

'Finnished'

Finished, done, complete, kaput - are words that used to sound so concrete to me. Then I started writing, and revising, and writing, revising, writing, revising, writing, revising...you get the picture. Now I know how relative the term 'finished' is. So I am relatively finished with The Devil's Key after my latest major re-write and a million minor revisions. But I am really happy with my manuscript now. It's 99,700 words and 394 pages long, and a tight, compelling read (in my very biased opinion). Smile. Still smiling. I'm going to enjoy this happy moment before I throw myself into the task of finding a literary agent. Once I do, he or she will probably want some revisions and when/if it gets picked up by a publisher, there will be more. Maybe when the book is being printed I can claim finished status? Nope, because then I'll be working on another manuscript. Hmmm...I supposed Finnished is what I'll be when I'm visiting with my friend in Helsinki.

The Host

I just finished reading The Host, by Stephenie Meyer. Wow. Few writers can keep a readers attention for 600+ pages. Yes, it's that long. But if you're looking for a great psychological sci-fi/romance with a unique twist, this is the book for you. It's light on the sci-fi for those of you who aren't fans. Without giving away the story, I would describe it as Star Trek meeting The Stepford Wives in a dystopian future. That might sound weird, but amazingly, it works. Really well.

And what about that amazing cover art? Whoever came up with the idea deserves a raise.

Lost in a crowd

Here's a sobering statistic. Over 400,000 books were published last year. Yikes, no wonder it's so hard to grab the attention of an agent or publisher. New writers have to try and get a foot in the door around a lot of productive established writers and a veritable flood of fellow unpublished newbies who, according to agent Jonathan Lyons, often lack the fundamentals of written English. I'm sure he's seen enough bad queries to justify that statement. Janet Reid blogs about the belligerence of some writers who send nasty e-mails after she rejects their query. Rachel Vater posts some queries that are so pathetic, you have to wonder how the person clicking the send button could presume to call themselves a writer. Barely literate is more accurate. Perhaps that's why some agents aren't replying at all anymore. But HEY! There are a lot of us who aren't like that! And for the record, I love agents who are considerate enough to send a rejection, even if it is just a form letter.

Query Black Hole

A digital 'black hole' ripping the network of cyberspace was recently discovered. This phenomenon appears to particularly affect query letters and literary agent responses, but unfortunately, spam remains completely impervious. Evidence suggests that indeed, many query letters are sucked into this fathomless vortex nanoseconds after aspiring authors click 'send.' Statistically, a few queries do arrive at their intended destination where presumably, agents respond. But without reliable feedback from agents verifying query receipt or rejection, some writers suspect that the information void is due to the digital abyss. Some writers attempt to overcome this problem by mass mailings and cyber-stalking. Some assume that no response is simply an invitation to re-submit. Others slowly pine in silent misery, but check their e-mail twenty times a day. It can only be hoped that this black hole will collapse soon and normal communication can be re-established.

Three Cups of Tea

If you haven't read this book yet, stop whatever you're doing, call your library and get on the wait list for it. Or better yet, just buy it.

Fantastic, is one word to describe it. Inspirational, fascinating, compelling, humbling, are a few other words that work as well. I don't read a lot of non-fiction, but this is one of the most amazing true stories I've ever read or heard of. I don't want to spoil the whole book, so I won't, but I think Greg Mortensen's wife must be absolutely amazing to support his tireless efforts to improve the lives of so many people in such a dangerous part of the world.

Greg Mortensen unequivocally demonstrates the value of humanitarian efforts in the Islamic world, despite the backlash from some small-minded Americans who don't think people in those countries are worth our attention at all. If you'd like to discover how good works have changed the hearts, minds, and future of a people, read this book. If more of us could love and help others despite religious, political, and cultural differences, the pain and suffering of this world would be greatly diminished and perhaps the ugliness of war would become a mere memory.

However, it's not a book to read when you're tired. David Oliver Renin writes beautiful, but complex sentences that slip through tired brains without leaving their meaning behind until the second try. It's a great read though - absolutely worth every minute of reading time - unless you're already sleepy. If so, you're better off sleeping and picking it up to read when you're fresh.

Kite Runner

I just finished reading Kite Runner. Wow. I haven't read something that compelling in a while. Lately, I've just read for entertainment. But I think I've shortchanged myself. I truly love a literary work that is uplifting in a cathartic kind of way, where some thread of nobility or selfless sacrifice surfaces in a flawed character who rises to greatness in the end. Maybe that's why one of my favorite books of all time is A Tale of Two Cities. As for Kite Runner, I had a hard time with the first seventy five pages. Ick. The narrator was a selfish, spoiled, unkind brat - the type of character (and person) for whom I have little patience. I wanted to yell quit whining, start thinking of others and find ways to help them, and then be grateful for what you have you little snot. If I hadn't had the sense that the story was about to change, I would've stopped reading. I'm glad I didn't. And as the story narrator said, it's the ending that matters. This ending was wonderful. However, just so you know, the story is set against the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan and has some really dark, gritty elements that jangled my sensibilities of human decency and respect. Those acts were not glorified in any way, but I abhor violence and cringe at descriptions of the truly evil things some people do. So I skipped a few paragraphs here and there. Most people are good people who make mistakes, but for the most part, live decent lives. Then there are the animals - the depraved sociopaths who use power to subdue, hurt, and destroy others. This story has both, as well as the rarer person with a pure heart who rises above it all.

The Query Queen

I was struggling with my query letter and added a comment to an author blog. Surprise, surprise, the author responded and gave me some tips. Yes, Joelle Anthony rocks. I was awed that she received partial or full manuscript requests almost every time she submitted. Wow, I found the query queen. She's also very nice. After she critiqued my query, I revised, sent her my revision, and voila! I have a polished query letter. YES! Now, I just need a polished story to go with it, but one thing at a time. I don't know many people in this industry yet, but the writers I have met are so cool. Another cool gal is the writer who reads my first drafts. Serious talent there, but I don't think she'd want her name mentioned, so thanks Rita Bunch! If I ever get anything published, it's because I found such great friends to guide my writing efforts.

Setting a hook

My husband is great at setting hooks - in trout. I've always preferred reading to fishing, but I've realized that landing an agent is just like fishing. Bait the hook, cast, set the hook, reel them in. So now I'm learn to fish for literary agents. Like most beginners, my first attempts have been clumsy, but I'm getting better.

I read a great post on Joelle Anthony's blog last week. She wrote about how long it took her to perfect the art of writing a hook and emphasized how important the hook really is. I knew this already, but am still transitioning from theory to practice. It was really nice to read that I'm not the only one who stumbles through this process. I thought my query letters were just fine. Brief and cleanly wordsmithed, I thought they would get at least one or two partial requests. Nope. Obviously, I need better hooks. So, I'm taking notes. What I've noticed so far is that successful letters aren't formal, they're quirky and often fun. They're also a lot longer than I was told query letters should be. So maybe I'll beef mine up for the next round. The hardest thing is not to just write, READ MY STORY, YOU'LL LOVE IT. But deep down, I think that's what every writer wants to say so they can just skip the courting and rejection phase of endless querying. But just because I love my stories, doesn't mean anyone else will. I have to convince them. So query letters are really just persuasive essays with a tightly focused objective. So how well do I fish? Hmmm...don't know yet. I guess I'll find out.

Why Write?

Why do I write? Because I have to. That's it, plain and simple. I wish my writing was brilliant, it's not. But it makes me happy. I love taking a blank computer screen and creating characters to tell their stories, my stories, but theirs as well. Once established in my mind, they have their own voices and aren't afraid to use them. Transferring those voices to the page is the tough part. I've jumped out of bed in the middle of the night to jot notes down in my notebook. I sit on the floor of my walk-in closet and write instead of walking downstairs to turn on the computer. If I could go without sleep, I would. But alas, I don't function very well without at least six hours. Ah well, I have a lifetime to write. I only hope that someday I'll get my stories published.

I thought the word rhapsody described how I envision my blog - an expression of feeling or enthusiasm, an irregular piece of prose, and a miscellaneous jumble.